In my work as a therapist, I’ve seen all types of people from various walks of life. My client base ranges from the wealthy, i.e., doctors, CEOs, and high profile lawyers; to blue-collar working folk like police, construction workers and office clerks; all the way to low-income people who live in extreme poverty.
I really do have a truly diverse caseload. I see male clients, female clients, people of all races and sexual orientations. Many of my clients are as different as can be. But one of the most common underlying themes of my client’s emotional problems is that they focus on everything and everyone except the main thing they should be focused on, themselves–their star player.
So often we get caught up in meeting deadlines at work, trying to attend our kid’s school plays and basketball games, and making time for our significant other that we neglect our own needs–and suffer because of it.
Society tells us that we should have a “team first” mentality and always put ourselves last. But I’m here to tell you that if the star player is not taken care of, the team is bound to fail.
You have to start being more selfish when it comes to taking care of the star player. Sometimes you have to give the star player special treatment because he or she needs to be in tip-top shape in order to perform at the highest level.
Allen Iverson explained the point of this concept perfectly when he made his infamous “practice” speech. AI knew that he was the star player and would be ready to dominate during the game even without practice. So he figured it would probably be best that he spent his time resting and prioritizing his own needs rather than practicing like the team and the media wanted him to.
Sometimes taking care of your star player (yourself) looks like your being an asshole but what you’re actually doing is practicing self-care and compassion for yourself. Yes, it’s important to worry about other important people in your life, but you have to be a support system for yourself too. Although it may sound like the right thing to do, if you always put people ahead of yourself, you’ll end up resenting them for it.
Katt Williams, in his stand up it’s “Pimpin, Pimpin” talked about how people neglect their star player by constantly putting themselves down. He went on to say that he sometimes tells himself the most ridiculous lies to build his confidence up.
I know Katt was joking, but I believe there is a lot of benefit in the point he was trying to get across.
You have no incentive to be negative or beat yourself up. It serves you no purpose to say negative things about yourself. You have to start being an advocate for yourself. How can you succeed in life if you’re against you? It’s already bad enough that you have other people hating on you, but when you go against yourself, the odds are too stacked, making it impossible to win. So if you want to win at this game called life, you have to get in tune with the needs of your star player–you!